I think that when a women meet a man that she is interested in marrying, she listens to him, observes him and asks him three questions (indirectly):
- Are you strong enough?
- Who are you?
- Where are you going?
From a biblical perspective, the woman has been taken from his side (a more useful interpretation of the Hebrew than “rib”):
And the rib or part of his side which the Lord God had taken from the man He built up and made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. – Gen 2:22
It is useful knowing that “man” meant “all people” until this moment. After this moment, man (all) was split into Adam and Eve. But together a man and a woman are still man. So we ought to be together, her at my side.
Now we can understand why she would ask these questions. Women are not destined to merely have babies, women want to have a destiny and goals and adventure… but at Adam’s side. Can you see that symbolism?
Now let’s reconsider those three questions:
- Are you strong enough? If she is going to be having babies, she wants to know if you’re strong enough to stand by her. Sadly, many women use physical strength as an indicator of this, but it is inner and emotional strength that is the real indicator. This is why very pretty women can often be seen as the side of an aggressive jerk.
- Who are you? This is where an aimless guy can come unstuck. Do you know who you are? Do you know what you stand for? It’s got little or nothing to do with the looks in a man, it’s (hopefully) got to do with character, interests. What she wants to know is: will you hang around, are you going to listen, do you have a life? Many women may choose a man who is not emotionally developed in the hope that she can help him develop… but men hate to be required to change. Quite often we are who we are. Compromise doesn’t come easy, it has to be learned.
- Where are you going? I wonder if this isn’t the big one. She wants to be a part of something grand and as the man, she’s hoping you have some grand plan in your life. In modern western society we lack challenges, so I think men as soft and aimless and we have no challenge. This is bizarre because in fact there are countless challenges in the world. But TV lulls us into a deep sleep and work takes up all the rest of our time. So years later when the dream has not happened, trouble sets in.
In my nightmare man meets woman and doesn’t know what he stands for and doesn’t know where he is going. She looks at him, tries to figure out who he could be and she decides to help him or not to help him.
In my imagination man meets woman and says “this is ME and THAT is where I am going in my life. Want to get involved with me and my dream?” and she can see him, see his cause and decide if she wants to be a part of him (two become one) and she will do this if his character and his dream matches and complements her dreams… or not.
It would be ideal for a man to court a woman and to show her who he is and where he is headed. But even after the marriage has begun, a man can still develop some personal style, goals, character and a vision or dream that she can agree to and participate in.
It’s never too late to get a life and enjoy it. 🙂