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What core value do you want in a wife?

I’m reading an online book called “Get the ring” (get the CD on Amazon).

In this quote the Rabbi is saying that we should look for three values in a potential partner. This is the first: “a higher commitment” and I’m not using the whole section, I’ve cut some bits out. To read the whole thing go here.

The person should be fully committed to some objective moral and ethical standard. Now if a person’s core value, let’s say, is adventure. What they most like in the world is adventure. It could be right now, this person seems like a very nice person. They’re volunteering in a hospice, at a hospital. Why? Because for them this is adventure. It’s an exciting thing. They get to help people in the last few moments of life. And to me it looks like they’re really very kind.

But the reality is they’re not kind, they’re just adventurous. And over time, if their core value is adventure, then the way that they pursue that core value or express it might change. They might stop working in the hospital, and they might try other expressions of adventure which I don’t admire as much, in fact which might even be unpleasant or, in my mind, even unethical. The reason is because at the center of every human personality there is this core value, the thing that is most important in the world to that person. And then there are a bunch of satellite values that rotate around that value. However, if the core of the person is a burning desire to do good, to live a good life, a righteous life, a life of caring, then everything else will rotate around that, and at least I know that for the rest of my life I’ll be married to someone who will take care of me, who will take care of my children, who will be a good person

However, if the core of the person is a burning desire to do good, to live a good life, a righteous life, a life of caring, then everything else will rotate around that, and at least I know that for the rest of my life I’ll be married to someone who will take care of me, who will take care of my children, who will be a good person

Now how do you figure that out? It’s not very difficult actually.

Whatever a person’s core value is, you will find them sacrificing for on a daily basis. For instance, if someone’s core value is making money, so if you follow them for 24, 48, 72 hours, you will see that they will make regular sacrifices for profit, to pull in a few more bucks. They’ll stay up late, they’ll miss out on time with friends, they’ll do all sorts of things just to pull in that extra buck. If you hang out with them long enough you’ll see them sacrifice for their core value. If a person’s core value is goodness, then if you follow them for 24, 48, 72 hours, you should see them sacrifice for the sake of being kind to somebody else.

Red more Rabbi Lawrence Kelemen – Part 9

So my question to you is this – if you live with someone for the rest of your life… what “core value” do you want in a wife? When you figure this out, you’ll more easily recognize her when she shows up!

This is probably a singles guy question, BUT those with experience are welcome to weigh in and share their valuable experience.


About Mark Wilson

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6 thoughts on “What core value do you want in a wife?

  1. I’ll kick it off by answering my own question. My core value – the thing I try and do every day, the one thing I will give up my day and money for – is kindness and generosity to people. Anyone. Anywhere. Any time.

    So this makes a lot of sense then that I am not compatible with women (or men) who lie, cheat, penny pinch their way through life. It drives me nuts.

    So obviously, I really need to be with a kind woman who will therefore have the same goals and life orientation as I do.

    My 2c. What’s yours? (The more boldly we share, the more others are helped)

    Posted by Mark Wilson | March 7, 2007, 8:42 am
  2. Coming from the female species, I got born again about 4yrs ago… starting a relationship with Christian men takes loads of faith and praying and fasting.
    Something that I will never do.
    I know, I might not answer your question Mark, but nonetheless, Men should know what they want and stick to it.
    Fasting will make our spirit to be more sensitive to the things that God looks at… and men OVERlooks…

    Have fun evaluating..

    I think you are spot on! 🙂

    Posted by Deborah | March 18, 2008, 5:02 am
  3. I believe that God is preparing me for marriage after 11 years of being divorced!! Lets just say at this point I am not extremely thrilled about it. What do Godly men want? That answer should be obvious…..GOD! If couples will follow the principles set forth in the Word both men and women….the whole focus is God!!! GOD, GOD that is what godly women want and many wil not settle for anything less!

    Posted by Leslie | January 3, 2009, 10:38 am
  4. im a 26 yr old guy. christian all my life. but have never been able to get christian girls attracted to me. i blame it on my desire to do good, always putting myself in somone elses shoes and being a peacemaker…. this obviously doesnt attract the christian girls i liked, they all went after the guys who were dangerous (road motorcycles, play in rock bands, go sky diving)… and who basically lie to these girls all the time .

    im probably dreaming the impossible but a core value im looking for is a woman who values a good natured guy instead of getting bored like every girl does

    Posted by brian | January 15, 2010, 8:43 pm
    • Hi Brian. Dude I hear you. I had the same problem. Things changed for me when I began to understand that God had put testosterone in my body NOT so I can replace a woman’s friendships, but so that I feel PASSION to protect, ANGER when innocent victims are hurt, STRENGTH to pursue what He is asking me to do in my life. And good books now recognise that this is what a man is built to do – read a book called “The Proverbs 31 Man” – and since then attraction is no problem, even though I certainly don’t have the ideal body etc. You see, charm is a woman’s strength, and stength is a man’s charm. Women are attracted to the stregth of a man, not his niceness. The niceness is a bonus and welcome… but a Godly man protecting the poor, living God’s purposes, driving forward and building the Kingdom… that appears to be what appeals to Christian women. Ephesians 5 has advice for men and women. Really listen to what God is saying in that chapter. God has put testosterone in you so that you can subdue and overcome. Connect with your passion AND be Mr Nice guy, and you’ll be happier inside yourself and it will show on the outside.

      God bless you, Mark.

      Posted by Mark Wilson | January 16, 2010, 9:47 am


  1. Pingback: Four characteristics for the woman you choose « Wild at heart Christian men - March 8, 2007

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