I strongly recommend that all us men read this article: The Top Ten Myths of Divorce
Unmarried men need to read it to be fully awake at the effort they put into themselves BEFORE marriage will pay of handsomely. In particular note…
MYTH 2: Living together before marriage is a good way to reduce the chances of eventually divorcing.
Many studies have found that those who live together before marriage have a considerably higher chance of eventually divorcing.
The reason for this (I suspect) is that if we try a relationship and it stumbles, we are free to leave. Don’t have to work it out. We try another, leave. Try another, leave. By this time we’re 22 years old and we have dated 5 people? Maybe 15? And then we get married. The marriage stumbles – because we’re human. What is our deeply ingrained training over 5 (or 15) dating experiences? We can solve the problem by leaving. So we leave.
Married men might reconsider having kids to fix the marriage when they consider…
MYTH 4: Having a child together will help a couple to improve their marital satisfaction and prevent a divorce.
Many studies have shown that the most stressful time in a marriage is after the first child is born.
Any work you two can do on your marriage before kids will pay off handsomely. Fissures turn into cracks in marriage AFTER the first year. And cracks turn into gulleys after kids. Put in the hard yards up front.
Everyone should read this TRUTH.
children learn about marital commitment or permanence by observing their parents. In the children of divorce, the sense of commitment to a lifelong marriage has been undermined. (contained in myth 7)
This is a wonderful truth. Kids learn not from our words, but from our behavior. They learn by watching ho mom and dad talk. Does dad love mom in his actions? Does mom prefer dad over any other man by her actions? Do they fight and then make up and restore their love? Do they learn and grow? Do they share and communicate?
Divorced men (that’s me) might benefit from reading this
MYTH 1 Because people learn from their bad experiences, second marriages tend to be more successful than first marriages.
Although many people who divorce have successful subsequent marriages, the divorce rate of remarriages is in fact higher than that of first marriages
The point is that marriage takes work. We have to put effort in. Maintain a soft heart towards one another (that will be a challenge for me because of my past hurts). Trying a new person won’t fix anything.