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Man's Heart

What is self-confidence?

It’s easy to explain if I first explain what a lack of self confidence looks like.

Did you ever see Drew Barrymore in “Never been kissed”. Watch this trailer and I’ll explain what self confidence is.

Can you see that she’s always looking for someone to tell her she’s cool, she wants someone to tell her that she’s ok, she wants someone to say that she’s accepted.

She is constantly looking for affirmation. She’s not sure that she matters.

You can see it in her eyes.  It’s like a craving, a hunger for identity. The only place she can find identity is if she makes some decisions.

Now look at her brother Rob… he’s rude, he’s an idiot, he’s stupid… and he’s very popular. How? Why?

Because he is so sure of himself. He knows who he is. He knows he is not a world beater – and he is OK with that. He knows he’s not the most anything and he’s ok with that.

It doesn’t matter who you are or what you’re not good at… just be ok with that. Don’t look to others for affirmation. God says you’re ok. That settles it. Whatever raw deal you got in life, it’s how it it. Just accept it. Stop asking for people to tell you that you’re ok… just decide you are ok.

Nearer the end of the trailer Josie turns the corner. Rob says that if one person believes in her, she will become popular. That is a lie. It’s not about the clothes (Rob dresses awfully). It’s not about who you know (Rob doesn’t know anyone). It’s not about your age (Rob is too old to be at school).

She simply stops trying to be something she is not. She decides to be comfortable with who she IS and she stops worrying about who she is NOT.

  • So she no longer walks in a way to not be noticed. She just doesn’t care if she is noticed or not.
  • She doesn’t smile in a way to be liked, she just is herself and she smiles however she feel like smiling.

The bible says: Don’t be conformed to the standards of this world.

Do not be conformed to this world (this age), [fashioned after and adapted to its external, superficial customs],

but be transformed (changed) by the [entire] renewal of your mind [by its new ideals and its new attitude],

so that you may prove [for yourselves] what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God, even the thing which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His sight for you]. – Rom 12:2

It’s so true… if you let society tell you what you are worth, they will tell you that you’re great and then trash and then great and trash… depending on what you do… if you conform to their standards.

But do you know what women respect?

They respect you if you can make decisions and if you can hold the line in the face of opposition. If you’re strong and definite. Wishy washy doesn’t cut it with healthy women.

Take a stand. WHAT you take a stand on must come from inside you. Don’t look around you to decide what OTHERS are taking a stand on.

I take a stand for women. I take a stand for me. I take a stand for God. I take a stand for people’s freedom to choose (and if they choose against God, I stand for His right to teach them). I take a stand for people who need help.

None of the things above which I stand for are “worldly” things. They get no street cred. No kudos. And yet women see my ability to take a stand and they respond.

unique_cog.jpgStop looking around for someone to tell you that you’re ok. God has said you’re ok. Now decide that you are.

Stop looking around for what other people are doing so you can figure out what to do… look inside at the gifts He has given you… and go use them.

Don’t look around for the crowd, instead take a stand for whatever you believe in.

God has made you a unique cog in a machine called the church. Be yourself and take your place.

No one else can make you… just look at yourself, accept yourself and go BE you.


About Mark Wilson

I am a prayer missionary. Please subscribe, consider donating to support this ministry, leave a comment and stay in touch via FB or Twitter. God bless you :)


10 thoughts on “What is self-confidence?

  1. Hi Mark, I found your post confusing and convoluted without focus on where I think you wanted it to go.

    Correct me if I’m wrong but what I think you are trying to say is that men are leaders and women respect that in us. That it’s our God given place that makes us desirable not only to the world and the opposite sex but ourselves as well.

    I’ll use myself in regards to your unique cog in the machine called the church statement. I think the church is wrong in almost all that it does and that it breeds apostasy and fog mindedness instead of healthy Christians.

    I applaud you on your attempt to encourage but I think you should encourage men to read their Bibles and get their strength from the word of God. There are many examples of men standing up for their faith like Noah, Job, Hosea, Moses, Joshua, Caleb, David, Jonathan, Absalom, Elijah, Elisha, Jesus Christ. I could be here for hours listing them all, these examples are real examples of Godly men.

    Posted by M.A.C. | June 4, 2007, 4:14 pm
  2. Your blog is informative and helpful to my disciple in teaching them gaining self confidence in God.
    Teddy from Philippines

    God Bless You. Brother

    Posted by teddy cruz | January 13, 2008, 7:52 am
  3. Thanks for your endorsement of men being confident in who they are. God-centered confidence is so lacking in so many brothers in the church. I spoke at a men’s retreat recently teaching just that. We are complete in Christ and created in the image of God. This self-confidence does not arise from the pride of the natural heart of humanity. Self-confidence is proper for the Christian, and that in fact, it is necessary that the Christian have a high level of self-confidence. We do not apologize for being Christian.

    Posted by Ben Funk | October 6, 2009, 12:27 am
  4. Good post. I appreciate the candor and the great example from that movie.

    Playing devil’s advocate a bit…

    Why, exactly, does it “settle it” for God to say you are ok?

    Let’s say you are just terrible in the sack, no matter what you do to try to make it better, and your wife condemns you over and over and over. What makes God’s opinion of you definitional of you and your wife’s not? Does God say you are acceptable sexually even if your wife doesn’t?

    Posted by Anonymous | December 1, 2009, 9:37 pm
  5. i find it hard to just go about life saying God made me this way, and i trust him to do His thing… i personally think words of encouragement from others boost self confidence..

    I have lived my life like this article has said.. and its not been very satisfying….right now i find it hard to say,, if god says im ok .. then i say im ok…

    I think its important to improve myself

    I’m 26 and ive been single all my life.. i blame it on my inability to accept correction or teaching… because ive always seen it as someone judging me for not meeting their standards of what i should be like….

    Hell, i need to conform to what people are telling me a man should be like…. or ill be a virgin forever… and im not gonna learn by just saying .. .
    “It doesn’t matter who you are or what you’re not good at… just be ok with that. “

    Posted by brian | January 15, 2010, 9:07 pm
    • Each of us have received at birth a starting point at which point we have received a personality. In the early environment parents have the responsibility to guide the shaping of our person, attitudes and personality. A positive environment generally fosters significant confidence and self-esteem. To simply say God made me this way abdigates me of my responsibility to participate in shaping my confidence and build self esteem. My experience has been that I needed to have a particular teachable spirit or attitude. The significance of others became invaluable to the journey of my development. I began to realize I was not required to do it alone, others can help in my particular confidence and self esteem development.

      I do not surrender control of me to others, I only look for influence that will make me better both to me and toward others. Today a stranger is only a friend I have not met. Let’s live this life for the betterment of each, circumstances in life are difficult enough therefore I look for others to endorse me and I look to endorse others. Love your neighbour as yourself. I can love myself today in a God centered confidence that loves my neighbour to endorse and empowers him/her. Life up and see the joy and contentment that is yours in a life fulfilled in a genuine relationship with God and His endorsement and empowerment of us – you and me.

      Posted by Ben | January 17, 2010, 2:54 am
    • Brother I agree. What about thoSe who were queer or bisexual and want to live for God but also are in the process of leaving nerdy ways. I agree with the post but I think there is always room for improvement. We just gOtta let God work it out and trust him.

      Posted by Meisenshi | February 23, 2011, 6:51 am
  6. Amen @M.A.C.

    Our confidence should not be in self but in Christ.
    A person who goes around seeking affirmation, needs confidence in Christ, not self.

    Some of the greatest Christian leaders in the world wrote diaries saying they were completely helpless and except that Christ would uphold them, they would fail. Today we know these men as reformers and those that led the great awakenings.

    Posted by Yuriy | September 23, 2010, 4:49 pm
  7. As He is so am I in this world, that pretty much sums it up.

    Posted by Raymond | December 2, 2010, 2:14 am

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