In this quote the Rabbi is identifying one of the pitfalls in dating.
There is an objection that ‘I won’t know if I’m physically, sexually compatible with the person unless we actually practice and try things out and see if we are physically, sexually compatible’.
The reality is that when two people are completely compatible, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, they love being with each other. So that is the platform on which a healthy, enjoyable physical relationship is built. And ultimately, that is the determinant of how good the physical relationship is, not the size of his muscles or the nature of her technique.
One very healthy couple who I once counseled made the comment to me that often they feel the skin gets in the way. So that is a really good sexual relationship, and that’s only built on this total emotional commitment.
So those people who feel they have to try each other out physically in order to know if it’s going to work, they’re naive. They don’t really understand what makes good sex.
They don’t understand that the key component is an emotional component, and that requires, from the beginning of the relationship, cultivating deep respect for each other. More…
To me this makes a lot of sense – that trust and deep respect for one another results in far better love making than simple physical attraction. I’ll be the first to say that finding someone who is emotionally capable of making such a commitment seems to be a long shot! But if we’re prepared to do it, then we’ll find we’re compatible with a woman who is als prepared to do it.
As the leaders of the home, it’s up to us to choose the direction and lead the way, no matter if it’s in the warm-and-fuzzy areas emotions, or in terms of war… we’re still the leader.