Some of the church has fallen into a well laid trap. Our focus should be on our Husband. A bride loves her Husband. She is not to focused on her father in law. She does not desire her father in law. She does not  fawn and adulate her father in law.

BUT. As she comes to know and love her Husband Jesus Christ, through Him she is able to be seated at the right hand of God the Father, right in His very Presence. She becomes adopted by the Father.

Her name is changed by her Husband. Her Husband’s God is her God. Her Husband’s people become her people.

Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God – Ruth 1:16

It’s an incredible priviledge for God to receive a person who joins themselves to Him willingly. At the end every knee will bow, but for right now it’s a willing acceptance. All of Heaven rejoices! We have a certain level of “free will” and when we take the time to see the good in Him, and we when we choose join ourselves to Him, and when we choose to identify find ourselves IN Him – as a part of Him – we gain a new identity through Him.

Ladies

Did you know that the bible calls on women to do the same to their husbands?

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. – Eph 5:22-24

Caution!

But let me please urgently add this. God is a good God. Jesus Christ proved His love for us by dying for us. And we see that and we respond to Him.

In that same way, women should submit to a man who has made Jesus Christ His own head in this same way. It would be risky to submit yourself to someone who does not believe in this way. It would be a disaster to submit to an abusive man in this way.

Ladies, before you join yourself to a man in this way, make sure he is submitted to Jesus Christ is this way too.

Men, submit yourself to Jesus Christ in this way… and He will bring you a helper who is also looking to submit to you in that same way.

Ladies, have you tried to submit to the wrong kind of man – how did it go? Men, are you submitted to Jesus Christ in this way? Leave your comment below.

Please share to this to your FB wall, or Twitter or G+. Please forward it by email to someone who needs to hear this message.

Ok, let’s look at some scripture from Gen 2-3. Can we agree that the garden in Eden was a perfect place? God created it and He said it was “good”. Until sin showed up, everything that God did or that God initiated or that happened in there was perfect.

So if we see things happening there in that perfect environment, it is probably the way He originally wanted it to be, right?

Ok let’s go… let’s dig in…

At first… God then made man and gave him work… so men should work, right?

 ¹⁵ The LORD God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it.

Although please note that it’s not the work that we have to do today. Before sin the ground simply ground gave up it’s bounty and the man just collected it. Now under the curse the ground does not give up it’s bounty easily and we have to work and sweat. And God is commanding the man… training the man to listen to him.

¹⁶ And the LORD God commanded the man

Men need to listen to God… and work. Is that about right? (I can hear women around the world screaming yes!!) God then says… it’s not good for man to be alone. But he doesn’t bring woman along right away, there is a delay… God does something else first. This is interesting… God brings the animals to Adam so that Adam can name them

 ¹⁹ Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. ²⁰ So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals.

Just think… what was God doing? He was giving the man authority and He gave it under His own watchful eye. He was letting Adam get used to exerting his authority. Also… because it was given from God directly, Adam knewWho gave him this authority (it came from God) and Adam knew that it was his to use as God directed him to. So… a man must listen to God, work and KNOW and USE his God-given authority… BEFORE his partner comes along.

God was training Adam, preparing him… before Eve came along

God wanted Adam to know his authority before Eve came on the scene. Why? Maybebecause after beautiful and lovely Eve arrives, Adam will be smitten and it will be too late to try and train Adam? Maybe. But it’s probably because God had to put these things into Adam before Eve arrives, because she needs those things to be there in order for her to find him appealing. (Heads up guys!) Then God takes Eve from Adam’s own body… not from the dust of the ground.

²¹ So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. ²² Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man,

They both KNOW that she has been taken from him. They both KNOW that no matter how different they are, she is a part of him. She is not an animal, she is the same as him. She has value because God formed her. And she was formed for a partnership with him. They both know that she is the part of him that is now missing – and together they are whole. I often see this in couples. Often the man is a few inches taller and she leans into his side, or he walks with his arm around her – she is next to his side… just where Eve was taken from Adam! Then God brings the woman to the man…

and he brought her to the man.

This is important. What was God doing when He did this? God was teaching the man his authority and giving the man work to do, God was also teaching the woman to follow Him and listen to Him.

I have seen this over and over, God deals with men and women differently

The advice he gives to men is NOT the same as the advice He gives to women. With women he is gentle and kind and soft and veeeeery tolerant. With men He is direct and gives clear instructions. Women moan and groan and Im astonished at how God bends over backwards to provide what they ask for. I never get treated like that!

And Ive come to understand why.  :)

He is correcting the broken fatherly image that many women have. As she warms to Him, she shapes herself to Him and to His ways. Then when He brings her to her husband to be, she has become used to following and being loved and cared for. That is what she got from her Heavenly Father and she will naturally expect that from her God-given husband.

Did you know that they did not have names until after the fall?

They were completely naked and unashamed with each other. Just imagine that. They didn’t dress up, they didn’t make fashion statements, they didn’t make themselves seem better than they really are.

²⁵ Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

If she had a bump her or there it didn’t matter to him, he loved her and accepted her. And it goes both ways. Their eyes were not opened to see other people’s imperfections. And now… Adam named Eve. NOTE: her name did NOT come from God. She was names by her husband.

²⁰ Adam named his wife Eve

It’s amazing to me that Eve spends time with God, being shaped by Him, but doesn’t get her name from Him. God permits her husband to be to name her. And he names her Eve – the mother of all the living. And what is more incredible, Eve ALLOWS Adam to name her. Adam gives her a name and she accepts it. I can hear feminists freaking out all over the world!!! Hehehe

Jesus names Simon (Peter)

This same pattern happens when God renames Simon and says that his name is now Peter. Did Peter freak out and reject that? No. He accepted it. WHY did God rename Peter? Because Peter was very hard headed and strong willed. If Simon would not let God rename him, then he could not be used successfully to do God’s will. Simon permitted it, and then he became the first leader of the church. And in Ephesians there is another parallel…

²² Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church - Eph 5:22

And even today when a man and a woman marry the woman (usually) takes her husbands surname. Lastly, although God taught Adam about his authority and let him exert his authority over everything, God gave the commannd to rule to both of them together…

 ²⁸ God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”

He didn’t just give this blessing to Adam, He gave it to both of them. Although Adam is her head (Eph 5:22) the blessing and command to go and rule in His name is given to both of them together

• What a MAN finds attractive in a woman from the Song of Songs (this post)
• What a WOMAN finds attractive in a man from the Song of Songs

Let’s take a look at God’s own writings – what does a man desire in a woman?

He

⁴ You are as beautiful as Tirzah, my darling,
as lovely as Jerusalem,
as majestic as troops with banners.
⁵ Turn your eyes from me;
they overwhelm me.
Your hair is like a flock of goats
descending from Gilead.
⁶ Your teeth are like a flock of sheep
coming up from the washing.
Each has its twin,
not one of them is missing.
⁷ Your temples behind your veil
are like the halves of a pomegranate.
⁸ Sixty queens there may be,
and eighty concubines,
and virgins beyond number;
⁹ but my dove, my perfect one, is unique,
the only daughter of her mother,
the favorite of the one who bore her.
The young women saw her and called her blessed;
the queens and concubines praised her.
¹⁰ Who is this that appears like the dawn,
fair as the moon, bright as the sun,
majestic as the stars in procession?
- Song of Songs 6:4-10

Nothing in there about strength at all.

It’s all about the effect she has on Him… her hair flowing down, her alluring eyes, her clean white teeth. He sees her as unique, perfect, her mother’s favourite, blessed.

MTV videos teach women that their strength is their body and they need to offer raunchy sex to a man. It’s a very crude version of God’s truth.

Her body, her eyes, the ways she looks does affect him. Definitely. But what a man is looking for in a woman is more than just the promise of sex, but it’s so much more than that. She should be his alone.

• What a MAN finds attractive in a woman from the Song of Songs
• What a WOMAN finds attractive in a man from the Song of Songs (this post)

First take note of the question… and remember that the question AND the answer is written by God (this is scripture). Look at the words I have highlighted… they are all about strength.

⁹How is your beloved better than others,
most beautiful of women?
How is your beloved better than others,
that you so charge us?

She

¹⁰ My beloved is radiant and ruddy,
outstanding among ten thousand.
¹¹ His head is purest gold;
his hair is wavy
and black as a raven.
¹² His eyes are like doves
by the water streams,
washed in milk,
mounted like jewels.
¹³ His cheeks are like beds of spice
yielding perfume.
His lips are like lilies
dripping with myrrh.
¹⁴ His arms are rods of gold
set with topaz.
His body is like polished ivory
decorated with lapis lazuli.
¹⁵ His legs are pillars of marble
set on bases of pure gold.
His appearance is like Lebanon,
choice as its cedars.
¹⁶ His mouth is sweetness itself;
he is altogether lovely.

This is my beloved, this is my friend,
daughters of Jerusalem.
- Song of Songs 5:9-16

She also sees him working for them and their future and she loves it…

² My beloved has gone down to his garden,
to the beds of spices,
to browse in the gardens
and to gather lilies.
³ I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine;
he browses among the lilies.
-  Song of Songs 6:2-3

and a few verses later he confirms he had his mind on work

¹¹ I went down to the grove of nut trees
to look at the new growth in the valley,
to see if the vines had budded
or the pomegranates were in bloom.
- Song of Songs 6:11

She wants strength because she can rely on him. She wants him to work and to provide for her. She refers to him as her friend: ”this is my friend“. She speaks over and over about his strength, and also about kindness or gentleness in his eyes “His eyes are like doves”. Doves are gentle and kind. Inside this hard working man who has strength, she still sees kindness when he looks at her.

That my friends is God’s view of what a woman is looking for in a man.

• A LOT of strength – this is the characteristic most repeated
• kindness, gentleness when he looks at her
• friendship with her
• he has a job and he works for their future

• This world was create IN love, THROUGH love, FOR love (read this first)
• Marriage – in, through, for love (read second)
• You have been regenerated born again (read last)

In the bible it gives us this high calling…

¹THEREFORE BE imitators of God [copy Him and follow His example], as well-beloved children [imitate their father].
and walk in love, [esteeming and delighting in one another]
as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us – Eph 5:1-2

We are to imitate God’s love.

What does that mean for families and marriage?

• Born IN love… Your marriage should come out of the love you and your wife/husband have for each other.
• The marriage should come about THROUGH love, just as God was so intimate with Adam and Eve, highly personal, shaping one another.
• The marriage should be FOR love. The love of each other, the love of God and a Kingdom purpose of loving others around us.

Children – in, through, for love

Children should also be born IN love… they need to be thought about and planned for well before conception. Just as God was already love and then He lovingly designed this world for us, our children need to come out of an overflow of love between a married couple. Children don’t rescue marriages, they are not crutches to distract unhappy parents and to give meaning to an otherwise empty life. Children are an expression of the love that a couple have for one another.

Should come about THROUGH  intimacy between the parents. A loving intimacy. The Message verse of the bible puts it like this…

Honor marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband. God draws a firm line against casual and illicit sex. - Hebrews 13:4 MSG

The choice to have children should be FOR love. The love of those children, for the children to receive love from God, for the children to learn to love God… and for the kids to learn to loving others around us.

I believe that this is what God showed me, His heart for myself and my future wife and our child(ren). He is showing me His heart, His desire, His vision. I hope you can catch it before you are married. If you are already married, then catch it now and work with His Holy Spirit to make this your reality.

Through obedience this can be achieved, because with His help it will happen.

This is a part of a 3-post series.

• This world was born IN love, THROUGH love, FOR love (read this first)
• Marriage – in, through, for love (read second)
• You have been regenerated (born) again (read last)

I have an even more exciting message for those who have been through difficulties in their life and don’t feel that they were born in love, or don’t feel that their parents wanted them.

You were born IN God’s love

The idea for you to exist is God’s own idea. God personally chose YOU before this world began.

Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us - Eph 1:4

He prepared a path for you in life, a path that no one but YOU can walk.

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. – Eph 2:10

You see, God showed me that you and I were formed IN His desire for love. It doesn’t matter if you natural birth was by accident or rape or whatever, God Himself formed you just as He formed Adam. Your spiritual birth was planned IN God’s desire to love you and be loved  by you.

You were born THROUGH God’s love

God personally formed you, like He formed Adam, in your mothers womb

“I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. – Jer 1:5

It doesn’t matter how your conception happened, God Himself formed you and me. We are born again of the Holy Spirit

²³You have been regenerated (born again), not from a mortal origin (seed, sperm), but from one that is immortal by the ever living and lasting Word of God. – 1 Peter 1:22-23

Not only did the idea of you and I existing come from God’s own desire, but we actually came about because He formed us in our mother’s womb. We were literally born THROUGH His love.

You were born FOR love

And we were born FOR love, because He desires to love us, He wants us to learn to love HIm – and His command is for us to love one another.

If your parents didn’t want you, it doesn’t compare to the truth that you were born again… IN the love of God, THROUGH the love of God, FOR a love relationship with God.

This is a part of a 3-post series.

• This world was born IN love, THROUGH love, FOR love (read this first)
• Marriage – in, through, for love (read second)
• You have been regenerated (born) again (read last)

In the bible it gives us this high calling…

¹THEREFORE BE imitators of God [copy Him and follow His example], as well-beloved children [imitate their father].
and walk in love, [esteeming and delighting in one another]
as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us – Eph 5:1-2

We are to imitate God’s love.

What does that mean for families and marriage?

• Born IN love… Your marriage should come out of the love you and your wife/husband have for each other.
• The marriage should come about THROUGH love, just as God was so intimate with Adam and Eve, highly personal, shaping one another.
• The marriage should be FOR love. The love of each other, the love of God and a Kingdom purpose of loving others around us.

Children – in, through, for love

Children should also be born IN love… they need to be thought about and planned for well before conception. Just as God was already love and then He lovingly designed this world for us, our children need to come out of an overflow of love between a married couple. Children don’t rescue marriages, they are not crutches to distract unhappy parents and to give meaning to an otherwise empty life. Children are an expression of the love that a couple have for one another.

Should come about THROUGH  intimacy between the parents. A loving intimacy. The Message verse of the bible puts it like this…

Honor marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband. God draws a firm line against casual and illicit sex. - Hebrews 13:4 MSG

The choice to have children should be FOR love. The love of those children, for the children to receive love from God, for the children to learn to love God… and for the kids to learn to loving others around us.

I believe that this is what God showed me, His heart for myself and my future wife and our child(ren). He is showing me His heart, His desire, His vision. I hope you can catch it before you are married. If you are already married, then catch it now and work with His Holy Spirit to make this your reality.

Through obedience this can be achieved, because with His help it will happen.

This is a part of a 3-post series.

• This world was born IN love, THROUGH love, FOR love (read this first)
• Marriage – in, through, for love (read second)
• You have been regenerated (born) again (read last)

Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. - 1 John 4:8

God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. - 1 John 4:16

Please read this slowly and prayerfully, letting this sink into you…

IN love

The idea for this world and the people in it came from God Himself. The idea for this world was born IN love… IN God’s desire to have and share love. This world was formed IN God’s desire for love, community and family.

THROUGH love

The world was brought into being when God spoke “let there be” and when the Holy Spirit hovered over the waters and when God created Adam from the dust. Just think… God Himself formed Adam – lovingly – and God Himself put His mouth up against Adam’s nostrils and breathed into them, giving Adam life

⁷Then the Lord God formed man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath or spirit of life, and man became a living being. – Gen 2:7

Isn’t this amazingly personal? Not at all distant. Up close, loving, intimate.  Adam was born THROUGH the loving actions or a loving God. God mouth was pressed up against Adam’s nostrils.

FOR love

For a few thousand years God struggled to get humans to grasp how He wanted us to live.

Then Jesus Christ came and demonstrated God’s heart of love. He walked amongst us, dwelled with us, healed us, brought us back from the dead… and then He commanded us to do the same to each other. He gave us the command to love one another.

“This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.” - 1 John 3:16

This world was created FOR love. God’s intention is that we love one another. And of course that we love Him and believe Him. We were created FOR the purpose of love.

It’s all about love

The bible begins with a marriage between Adam and Eve which was created by God; and it ends with a marriage between Jesus Christ (God) and His bride (all of us).

The whole story of our human existence is a love story. It’s a story where a woman is captured by an evil person and kept captive, away from her husband. Her husband to be eventually marries her and they live ever after.

Then I saw this verse

Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. – Ps 127:4

I began to understand that children are like arrows, they can be aimed and then they fly in that direction.

So HOW do we aim our kids to go in the right direction? Movies, playstation, song lyrics and TV might aim my kids in the WRONG direction. How do I aim them in the right direction?

Aiming our kids – with love

I am convinced that I can ensure my (future) daughter (or son) is a safe young teen and young adult… by loving and showing respect to their mom.

As my baby boy or girl grows up and tries to figure out what is ok and what not to allow in this world of wolves, she will naturally come to me and sit on my lap and ask me many times “tell me the story of you and mom met and got married”.

Here is the key: if I can answer truthfully about how we did not do the wrong things before marriage, how I showed her mom respect, how we waited and made the effort to learn to communicate, to speak each other’s love language, learning to give and receive love from one another, learning about one another’s needs, growing together, talking things through and forgiving… then my daughter (and son) will want the same things for herself (or himself) and in this way they won’t settle for less than what her mom had.

She will be safe from harm, because she won’t settle for less, she will want the same for herself! If a man tries to consume her beauty to make up for a lack in his own life, she will refuse to be used. If a man or woman with unclean hands reaches out to touch my son, he will feel the uncleanness and he will find it unpleasant and he will naturally pull away.

But this only happens because they have experienced and observed the love and kindness and goodness of Christ in me and Christ in their mother and God’s Presence in our home.

Formed in their mind is the desire to be loved like her mother is being loved. They won’t compromise. They won’t settle.

The home

In that same way I will strive to have a home that is filled with warmth from love and the light of God’s Presence.

Why? Because if she (or he) grows up around God’s Presence and thinks that is normal, when she (or he) comes into contact with unclean people or an unclean place, she will immediately pick up on the change in atmosphere and she will know to move away from that person or place because it doesn’t feel nice to be there.

In my life the opposite was true. I was so used to being around anger and darkness that I did not know it was wrong. It was just how it always was. But no more, I stay in the light now. And the more I am in the light, the more I can stop when darkness tries to invade.

By turning this around, by showing my children – both literal and spiritual – that love is normal, that talking and a healthy exchange of views is normal, that respect is normal, that God’s Presence is normal… they will flee darkness and death if they sense a change.

This requires long term self-sacrifice

This will take a life-long commitment from me and it starts now. And then when my future wife comes along she has to see the vision and agree to work in that direction.

Just think, long before I have met my wife, I am already planning to love my child. The way I treat my wife is not just for her, but for my son and/or daughter as well. Love is like this… it is the intentional giving of ourselves for others.

In that same way, long before you met Jesus Christ He was already praying for you

Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them. – Heb 7:25

A prayer center

And it goes way beyond this.

Long time readers of this blog will know that I have repeatedly asked for financial support to create a prayer center where He will be manifest. I truly believe that God wants a place where people can come and taste and see that the Lord is good. A place where YOU – people of all shapes and sizes and importance – can come and experience what good and right feels like.

You see… the only way to change people’s behavior is by changing their world view. When you go to jail your world view changes – and your behavior changes, sometimes for the worst! When a person is abused their world view changes and their behavior also changes from then onwards. When abandoned children are adopted and loved for the first time, their world view changes and their behavior changes. When lonely people find love, or find a warm accepting loving church, or find God’s love… their world view changes and their behavior changes.

I believe that God wants a place where He will be manifest, a place where we can come to and experience His goodness, His Presence, light and love – and then by finally experiencing what is good, our world view can change and we can return home to our countries with our new world view and changed behavior.

Her Diary:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn’t flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn’t say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, ‘Nothing.’ I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can’t explain his behavior I don’t know why he didn’t say, ‘I love you, too.’ When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep – I cried. I don’t know what to do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

His Diary:

Motorcycle won’t start… can’t figure out why.