2 new posts on marriage

For anyone reading this, please pop over to my other blog and read these two new posts

Marriage Pt 1 - God is so good

Marriage Pt 2 - naked acceptance

the second part (Marriage Pt 2 - naked acceptance) contains a vision/revelation of marriage which you might enjoy reading.

May God bless you.

Men… change how we think

Emily wrote two wonderful posts

• What do worldly women want from men? (Updated)  
• A word to the guys… what you desire is what girls desire to become

and my post here is a response.

First of all, congrats to Emily on getting through to the final two in your blog category. You have done so well. God bless you as you continue to walk in this right way, while still being approachable and true to yourself.

Ok back to these posts… they are superb! I have been grumbling about this issue for quite a while - that Christian women are becoming increasingly secular in their behaviour and not walking in their God-given beauty.

I have been thinking A LOT about how women are intended for men and conform themselves to men. To be honest I think I just shrugged it off that men look at attractive women. Kind of “Oh well” and *sigh*. What I didn’t get until now is the connection between the two. As men’s eyes and values have slipped terribly, women have adjusted and changed to remain attractive to men.

What a powerful dynamic. As men we simply have to get our head and eyes out of the gutter.

• Specifically, we can CHOOSE to find purity attractive.
• We can choose to feel stimulated by modestly dressed and elegant women, and not by anything else.
• Esepcially, we men have to find value in emotional intimacy rather than sexual attraction. The ability to “connect” is a far better indicator of success for a relationship than sexual availability.
• When we are married we can have both - but before that… we have to LEARN to highly value emotional connection and intimacy.

In this way women can return to flaunting their emotional maturity in order to attract a mate… and that change alone will re-start a positive cycle. Healthier men, healthier women, healthier children.

God bless you Emily for a wonderful post.

Final post for a while

Thank you for visiting Christian Men and My life as a Christian. I have been going through heaps of growth in my personal life.

I had a wonderful dream last night and I’ve been seeing over several months how less and less I want to get my head into a computer and more and more I want to be in the world with people, helping people, loving people, praying with people, listening to people.

I have noticed that I hardly reply to comments these days and I hardly visit other peoples blogs or take up offers of memes or tags. I’m sorry, please forgive me if you feel I have ignored you. LATER I am going to disallow comments on this blog, to avoid this.

I used to work for Microsoft and now my closest friends say I should become a social worker. Quite a change huh? Here’s an example… the highlight of my day today was meeting with a man who is on methadone (treatment) to kick drugs - and it’s my absolute pleasure and joy to listen to him and see God working in his life. I would LOVE to tell about the wonderful blessing God poured out on him today.

In my most recent post in Christian Men (see Who are you and Where are you going?) I wrote that it’s very important that a man knows his style and knows his ambition/direction, so that his wife (to be) can choose to join in (or not!). After my dream last night I know it’s time to focus exclusively on becoming all I can AND I also have this yearning inside to push deep deep into Him now. More tearing up.

I’ve been aching to go to work on an orphanage and I believe He has given me the go ahead after doing some specific things.

Thank you so much for your comments, you prayers, your support, your friendship. If you want to email me please do! You might have been reading this blog since day one and never left a comment… I’d love to hear from you. It’s never too late: markrobertwilson@gmail.com

If you live in Canberra, come join in this social group that I run.

May God bless you in your walk with Him. I look forward to hearing from you. For a bit of fun check out My videos

Get well and stay well.

Who are you (and) Where are you going?

I think that when a women meet a man that she is interested in marrying, she listens to him, observes him and asks him three questions (indirectly):

1. Are you strong enough?
2. Who are you?
3. Where are you going?

From a biblical perspective, the woman has been taken from his side (a more useful interpretation of the Hebrew than “rib”):

And the rib or part of his side which the Lord God had taken from the man He built up and made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. - Gen 2:22

It is useful knowing that “man” meant “all people” until this moment. After this moment, man (all) was split into Adam and Eve. But together a man and a woman are still man. So we ought to be together, her at my side.

Now we can understand why she would ask these questions. Women are not destined to merely have babies, women want to have a destiny and goals and adventure… but at Adam’s side. Can you see that symbolism?

Now let’s reconsider those three questions:

1. Are you strong enough? If she is going to be having babies, she wants to know if you’re strong enough to stand by her. Sadly, many women use physical strength as an indicator of this, but it is inner and emotional strength that is the real indicator. This is why very pretty women can often be seen as the side of an aggressive jerk.
2. Who are you? This is where an aimless guy can come unstuck. Do you know who you are? Do you know what you stand for? It’s got little or nothing to do with the looks in a man, it’s (hopefully) got to do with character, interests. What she wants to know is: will you hang around, are you going to listen, do you have a life? Many women may choose a man who is not emotionally developed in the hope that she can help him develop… but men hate to be required to change. Quite often we are who we are. Compromise doesn’t come easy, it has to be learned.
3. Where are you going? I wonder if this isn’t the big one. She wants to be a part of something grand and as the man, she’s hoping you have some grand plan in your life. In modern western society we lack challenges, so I think men as soft and aimless and we have no challenge. This is bizarre because in fact there are countless challenges in the world. But TV lulls us into a deep sleep and work takes up all the rest of our time. So years later when the dream has not happened, trouble sets in.

In my nightmare man meets woman and doesn’t know what he stands for and doesn’t know where he is going. She looks at him, tries to figure out who he could be and she decides to help him or not to help him.

In my imagination man meets woman and says “this is ME and THAT is where I am going in my life. Want to get involved with me and my dream?” and she can see him, see his cause and decide if she wants to be a part of him (two become one) and she will do this if his character and his dream matches and complements her dreams… or not.

It would be ideal for a man to court a woman and to show her who he is and where he is headed. But even after the marriage has begun, a man can still develop some personal style, goals, character and a vision or dream that she can agree to and participate in.

It’s never too late to get a life and enjoy it.

What core value do you want in a wife?

I’m reading an online book called “Get the ring” (get the CD on Amazon).

In this quote the Rabbi is saying that we should look for three values in a potential partner. This is the first: “a higher commitment” and I’m not using the whole section, I’ve cut some bits out. To read the whole thing go here.

The person should be fully committed to some objective moral and ethical standard. Now if a person’s core value, let’s say, is adventure. What they most like in the world is adventure. It could be right now, this person seems like a very nice person. They’re volunteering in a hospice, at a hospital. Why? Because for them this is adventure. It’s an exciting thing. They get to help people in the last few moments of life. And to me it looks like they’re really very kind.

But the reality is they’re not kind, they’re just adventurous. And over time, if their core value is adventure, then the way that they pursue that core value or express it might change. They might stop working in the hospital, and they might try other expressions of adventure which I don’t admire as much, in fact which might even be unpleasant or, in my mind, even unethical. The reason is because at the center of every human personality there is this core value, the thing that is most important in the world to that person. And then there are a bunch of satellite values that rotate around that value. However, if the core of the person is a burning desire to do good, to live a good life, a righteous life, a life of caring, then everything else will rotate around that, and at least I know that for the rest of my life I’ll be married to someone who will take care of me, who will take care of my children, who will be a good person

However, if the core of the person is a burning desire to do good, to live a good life, a righteous life, a life of caring, then everything else will rotate around that, and at least I know that for the rest of my life I’ll be married to someone who will take care of me, who will take care of my children, who will be a good person

Now how do you figure that out? It’s not very difficult actually.

Whatever a person’s core value is, you will find them sacrificing for on a daily basis. For instance, if someone’s core value is making money, so if you follow them for 24, 48, 72 hours, you will see that they will make regular sacrifices for profit, to pull in a few more bucks. They’ll stay up late, they’ll miss out on time with friends, they’ll do all sorts of things just to pull in that extra buck. If you hang out with them long enough you’ll see them sacrifice for their core value. If a person’s core value is goodness, then if you follow them for 24, 48, 72 hours, you should see them sacrifice for the sake of being kind to somebody else.

Red more Rabbi Lawrence Kelemen - Part 9

So my question to you is this - if you live with someone for the rest of your life… what “core value” do you want in a wife? When you figure this out, you’ll more easily recognize her when she shows up!

This is probably a singles guy question, BUT those with experience are welcome to weigh in and share their valuable experience.

Take a STAND in your life for God’s values

As men we need to be in touch with our sense of outrage. Women also have outrage, but in God’s economy we have been gifted with the physical strength to stand and deliver. When we see immorality, we need to FEEL our outrage and STAND. When we see injustice, we must STAND against it.

So that is why I am putting up this video. The way this person takes advantage of homeless people who are so desperate for money that they can be made to do anything… to feed an audience of people who won’t feel enraged enough to change the channel.As you watch this, do you see the injustice? Does it make the inner man want to STAND up and be counted? As a man, do you feel that you want to protect these people who are being taken advantage of?

If your heart cries out over this injustice, then you are growing into His image, because He says time and again that His heart is to protect and help the homeless, not pay them money to injure themselves.

Again let me say, women can and will any must do the same, but I’m writing to men on this blog. When you see something that God Himself would not tolerate, STAND against it. When you see victims, STAND for them. When you see bullies, STAND against them. Kick them off your TV show. Kick them off your TV, period. Don’t let them in your house. Don’t tolerate it.

Be a man and take a STAND in your life for God’s values.

Raising your emotional intelligence

Over on my other blog I wrote this post Another way to grow: watch Dr Phil. An EQ is like an IQ, but it’s about our emotions (the E in EQ!)

First up, let me say this. I’m not keen on men becoming all girly and soft inside. We’re guys. We’re designed to be guys. Women like guys who are guys.

BUT I have been through a failed marriage and I wish I knew then what I know now. It would have save me some big heartache. It’s all common sense really, but until you know it, you just don’t know it.

So… raise your EQ… read some good Dr Phil relationship articles

• Building Your Personal Profile *** read this one!
• Personal Relationship Values *** and this one!
• Are You Ready For a Successful Relationship?
• Contaminating a Relationship
• Affair-Proof Your Marriage
• Moving Forward After Infidelity

He has heaps more good articles and advice. Hunt around for the ones that interest you.

The Top Ten Myths of Divorce

I strongly recommend that all us men read this article: The Top Ten Myths of Divorce

Unmarried men need to read it to be fully awake at the effort they put into themselves BEFORE marriage will pay of handsomely. In particular note…

MYTH 2: Living together before marriage is a good way to reduce the chances of eventually divorcing.

Many studies have found that those who live together before marriage have a considerably higher chance of eventually divorcing.

The reason for this (I suspect) is that if we try a relationship and it stumbles, we are free to leave. Don’t have to work it out. We try another, leave. Try another, leave. By this time we’re 22 years old and we have dated 5 people? Maybe 15? And then we get married. The marriage stumbles - because we’re human. What is our deeply ingrained training over 5 (or 15) dating experiences? We can solve the problem by leaving. So we leave.

Married men might reconsider having kids to fix the marriage when they consider…

MYTH 4: Having a child together will help a couple to improve their marital satisfaction and prevent a divorce.

Many studies have shown that the most stressful time in a marriage is after the first child is born.

Any work you two can do on your marriage before kids will pay off handsomely. Fissures turn into cracks in marriage AFTER the first year. And cracks turn into gulleys after kids. Put in the hard yards up front.

Everyone should read this TRUTH.

children learn about marital commitment or permanence by observing their parents. In the children of divorce, the sense of commitment to a lifelong marriage has been undermined. (contained in myth 7)

This is a wonderful truth. Kids learn not from our words, but from our behavior. They learn by watching ho mom and dad talk. Does dad love mom in his actions? Does mom prefer dad over any other man by her actions? Do they fight and then make up and restore their love? Do they learn and grow? Do they share and communicate?

Divorced men (that’s me) might benefit from reading this

MYTH 1 Because people learn from their bad experiences, second marriages tend to be more successful than first marriages.

 Although many people who divorce have successful subsequent marriages, the divorce rate of remarriages is in fact higher than that of first marriages

The point is that marriage takes work. We have to put effort in. Maintain a soft heart towards one another (that will be a challenge for me because of my past hurts). Trying a new person won’t fix anything.

making a healthy choice

Choose her for who she is, not who she could be. choose her not only because you feel good with her, but with the rest of her life, baggage, limitations and needs in mind. love but dont dont save her.

Prayer is needed to stop the compromise

Up coming Congressional Bills:

House bill H.R. 1592 and Senate bill S. 1105

….[that ] would make negative statements concerning homosexuality, such as calling the practice of homosexuality a sin from the pulpit, a “hate crime” punishable by law. This proposed law would make it a crime to preach on Romans Chapter 1 or I Corinthians Chapter 6. Or even to discuss them in a Sunday School class. (Source: Abiding)

Take a moment to think about this… if you share this aspect of the gospel you could go to jail.

You tolerated losing prayer in schools. You tolerated abortion. When will you take a stand?

Do you realize that if you tolerate this, it won’t be long (maybe a few years) before a minority group sends a bill up that says you can’t say that Jesus is God and any other religion is not following God?

I’m not kidding. Over here in Australia we recently defeated such a court action. This blogger covers the case. He summarizes…

I’m a big fan of freedom of speech, even freedom of outrageous and unreasonable speech, ‘I’ll disagree with what you say but not your right to say it’ and all that. It’s a fundamental principle of a liberal democracy and should only have a bare minimum of restrictions. Obviously there are legitimate restrictions, principally for defamation and ‘hate speech’.

These laws go far beyond traditional concepts of hate speech. For one, they prohibit the inspiring of such non-hating emotions such as “serious contempt, revulsion or severe ridicule” which is on the face of it unconscionably broad.

the case was eventually thrown out by the supreme court and may have to be retried. Christians sat in the courtroom praying and even speaking in tongues throughout. The media had a field day. But it was thrown out - and that is what matters.

But now the evil intention of suppressing a Christian’s right to FREE SPEACH is rearing it’s head in the US. Don’t underestimate what you are facing.

Do you realize that if you don’t take action you will be ensnared by your own compromises? In a few years you may go to jail for proclaiming God’s Name. Bush said he will take a stand.

Don’t tolerate compromise. I am confident that God is willing to hand us over to these things. He handed the Israelites over to the evil things that they tolerated. He will do it to us.

It is up to us to say NO to the enemy and YES to God’s law and His ways. If you do not take a stand, you WILL be ensnared by your compromise.